Curiouser and curiouser

Last night was my last show of this year's SIFF. It was Once. I loved it much better now. Last time I saw it was before I loved any pop/rock music. Now I even wish to write songs myself! I can totally recognize myself with the Guy and the Girl in the film. When the film was over, the audience clapped. I was glad to be able to clap with them (wouldn't dare to clap alone). It curiously reminds me of the night with Mika a few days ago. But I can relate more to this film because it is about ordinary people who loves music. Mika is a very well managed and very professional.

So today, after 5 days of no work (except a phone call from on-call to inspect a failure), I switched back to work mode. It feels strange.

They treated the failure without my knowing it. I was angry about the rudeness. And sent a 'Fxxk' message to douban.
I received a message from Jacky (!). He is back in CDC(!). As if saying, look at your life! You are a loser!

I took several minutes to adjust my attitude. I am now totally indifferent to what I do now. Drifting. I need professional politeness, thanks! I don't need friend talk, thanks! Get away from me, everyone! (No wonder my resources are limited.) Later I was able to welcome him. I am not being untrue of my feelings, I merely believe in good will, even I don't naturally bear any.

Work was caotic. I don't know why we should have so much urgent projects so suddenly. Joseph and Raymond asked me to a discussion about the new project. But they were only half concerned about doing the work. They were concerned about training the new member. Natural! I am not long on our team. Should've played tactic and keep my intention to myself.

Fine. I'm on my own.

I started my piano session today (in two weeks). I was not able to stay concentrated. I played Czerny and Bach.

I spent about 1 hour setting up the blog. Web connection to Godaddy.com was slow.
I read briefly the Thing. Go go go!

I received a douban message requesting to join our DWCN. I looked at her profile, a Matt-Smith-Abuser. What should I do? Oh! The best thing of my doing, is our DWCN. I don't want to leave any bad thing to it!!!!!!!!!!!! I will email other members about this. Our blog is not a public service. We are just some people who like each other. I want to decline her without being arrogant. But actually I want to FIGHT them! Those Matt-Abusers! Calm down! You are not defending Matt by doing that. You just want to satisfy your own feeling.

Oh yes! Today on my way back I passed an unpleasant woman whose way of walking forced me to go to car-lane. I can remember I intentionally bump such people. But I refrained from doing that today. I naturally don't want to do that. Not out of resignation, just don't care my hurt feelings. Yes, do not regard your feelings so much. I never thought I could naturally do that! Great...

Yes, two things to promised myself to write about in this daily journal:
1) I think I go to HK for refuel. Last year I came back with renewed spirit. Then spirit sank gradually. Now I needed refuel. It was kind of different because I instantly sank to morbid this morning when I walked into office. But I think the strangth is becoming deeper.

2) Yesterday I was reading Power. I came across this statement (not exact quote). First I believe Russell has an ideal of how power should be distributed among people. Though I don't know what it is yet, I feel that I will agree with him. But he says (around page 15) that a country/society cannot jump to that ideal. It must first have a period of despotism. I shook my head wildly at that, then felt happy because after all I have disagreement with Russell, then doubtful because I can't actually think of a reason against him, except that a) it's against my natural feeling that the world should not adopt a wrong method to a good end, b) if Russell is right, I am destinated to spend my life in despotism, which hurt my feelings.

I, am, a, firm, anarchist (for the time being). I do not support disorder. I support everyone should act according to his own choice.

Eiihh... I need to get a job to support an indenpendent life for myself first.