INSPIRE ME!! PLEASE!!!

Fancinated by Van Gogh these days. (I mean as fancinated as my brains can do these days. <-how does emoticon work in email post?) Suddently it occurred to me that I could find some book about him in the Shanghai Library. I would love to see a book with his paintings and letters accompaning them. I don't need to check out the books since it's too expensive for me to enable that service, but I have time now and I could read it there. I remember in a room with books in foreign languages (mostly English) there is a section of art. A collection of art books is bound to have Van Gogh.

I am glad that I decided to go to the library. Staying home is making me nervous and ... Well I am too relaxed at home, can't do any real work. I can't even play piano these days. I need regular working day to fuel me with desire for personal persues, and to keep me in contact with people other than my parents.

So, I didn't find any Van Gogh in the section. But it being my favourite room, I grabbed a 'Art History for Dummies' and sat down. I read part about Van Gogh and Millet. I remember in Lust For Life, Stone said that Millet inspired Van Gogh.

And suddenly... my preoccupation on my own fret desolved! I knew it happened but I can't feel it now since I am sitting here at home. I still remember when it happened I was reading Millet, that Millet had a nosgla feeling about peasents and countryside, when his work was exhibited in Paris, the rich was horrified that his work is properganda of working class. It showed me history. My problems seemed so small and negelactable.

My parents experienced political chaos. Their view of life is so resigned. I am certain that my view is much heathier and happier than theirs. But it would be painful to convert them - if I can convert them at all. They have reached an age that the best thing to happen to them are things to their liking. I will try my best to make them feel like that.

It doesn't necessary mean to compromise to meet their wishes. I can muster plenty of possitivity and then let it emit naturally.

But first I need to feel secure myself and be inspired.